10 Ways Buffy Never Heard of Andalasia
by Kennie Gajos
Summary: A sequence of short ficlets crossing the worlds of Buffy and Giselle into one big happy poison apple pot. Yay!
1. The Sword in the Spire

**Disclaimer**  
I own neither Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor Enchanted. Buffy and her friends are owned by Joss Whedon and 20th Century Fox whereas Giselle and Andalasia are owned by Disney. I own nothing but cheese. I take no responsibility for the characters and situations in this work of fiction. I am merely the conduit through which they play... they made me write this!

**1**

Xander whistled to himself as he gazed at the New York City skyline. It was one of the sights he'd never gotten round to on his best-forgotten road-trip and it took his breath away. A loud shout from behind him reminded him of the reason he was here and he checked his safety line before he moved on.

When word of a dragon had reached the Council, the Scoobies had held an emergency meeting. They all knew about the dragon that had gotten away after Glory had opened the portal, even if they didn't like to talk about it, and they couldn't help but feel responsible. They'd begun to argue about who should go check it out until finally in desperation, after Buffy and Kennedy had jumped up from their opposite sides of the table and tried to scratch each other's eyes out, he'd suggested drawing straws. Giles and Dawn had leapt at the idea and, to his great surprise, Xander had been the one to draw the short straw.

Giles had pulled some strings, Willow had arranged his transportation and before he'd had time to really think about it, he'd found himself in New York, foreman of the construction crew carrying out the repair work to the building damaged by the dragon.

If there had been a dragon. Reports of it falling to it's death couldn't be backed up by a body and the people who had witnessed it were convinced that it had all been a part of some performance theatre act. Good old Sunnydale Syndrome struck again! Xander looked up at the bright blue sky.

Surely a dragon would have just flown away?

Suddenly he frowned, his attention caught by a bright gleam from halfway along the bent lightning spire. He climbed higher and realised that it was a sword. Ignoring the calls from his men further below, Xander climbed out onto the dangerous pole and pulled the sword out.

Light and agile, it felt somehow right in his hand. But how had such a well crafted blade ended up here? A tattered piece of dark blue velvet dangled from the long rapier point and Xander pulled it off and stuffed it in his pocket. After all, it was another piece of the mystery.


	2. A Different Kind of Ball

Willow fidgeted awkwardly, running a finger along her collar. Beside her, Kennedy leered at her. Willow flushed, painfully aware of the other people staring at them.

"Baby, I'm really sorry." Kennedy apologised once again. "I honestly thought the Kings and Queens Ball was something completely different." She trailed off as she looked at the disapproving matrons around them.

Willow snorted, the leather bondage outfit Kennedy had surprised her with chafing against her skin. Why had she allowed Kennedy to talk her into this? Catching sight of a stunning Regency gown across the room, she sighed enviously. Now _that_ was more her style.

Under any other circumstances, she'd have enjoyed attending this ball. But, she decided as yet another old man drooled at her from across the room, his much younger and furious wife clutching his arm, enough was enough.

"I want to go home." She told Kennedy forcefully.

The other girl was surprised. "You don't want to stay until midnight?" She asked.

Willow shook her head, putting her resolve face firmly in place. "Now." She insisted.

Kennedy shrugged. "Alright." She agreed. "I'll get our coats." She said, striding off.

Willow squeaked as five men rapidly closed in on her. Quickly, she followed Kennedy, reaching the foot of the stairs just as a gorgeous strawberry blonde at the top took off her cloak to reveal a spectacularly modern gown. Willow paused, staring at the girl.

There was something about her that tickled along the edge of Willow's senses. The hairs on her arms rose up as the girl glided down the stairs to greet a darkly handsome man. Their respective other halves eyed the two warily. A throat loudly cleared itself next to her and Willow turned her head to see the stormy face of her lover.

"Ready to go?" Kennedy asked pointedly, holding Willow's coat out to her.

Eagerly, Willow put the coat on and belted it firmly closed. Taking her lover's hand, she gently soothed her jealous suspicions as they headed towards the elevators. Still, Willow couldn't resist one last look back at the girl as she circled the floor in the arms of the man she clearly loved. There was definitely something fey about her, Willow decided as the elevator sped downwards.

Walking through the lobby, Kennedy paused her tirade long enough to admire a classic 'evil queen's' costume. Seeing the cruelly determined look on the woman's face and the way she threw the other people in the lift out, Willow wasn't so sure.

They hopped in the back of the first cab they saw, giving him the address of their apartment. As he turned around to face them, his head swathed in a turban, Willow noticed a hamster ball with a chipmunk inside on the dashboard.

"Cute chipmunk." She commented.

The taxi driver scowled at her. "I'm waiting for someone." He said, jerking his head towards the street.

"Your light was on." Kennedy pointed out reasonably.

Exaggeratedly, the driver turned it off. Grumbling, Kennedy pushed Willow back out onto the sidewalk and hailed another cab. As she got into the cab, Willow noticed the driver of the first, jump out of his car and dash across the road, closely followed by his chipmunk. Thoughtfully, she stared up at the floor where the ball was taking place.

"Move over!" Kennedy said exasperatedly, still standing on the sidewalk.

Willow complied, still thinking about the strange sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as Kennedy got in and the cab drove off. They were about half a block away when Willow suddenly felt a swelling of magic, centred around the building they had just left.

Turning around in her seat, she stared out of the back window of the cab, back at the building. Concerned, Kennedy followed her gaze in time to see a giant dragon burst out of the side of the building and scale the heights to the roof.

"Hell!" Kennedy swore as the taxi turned a corner and they lost sight of the building. "I knew we should've stayed."


	3. You'll Never Know

Oh God! She was gonna be sick! Practically hyperventilating, Faith edged her way to the back of the cheering crowd and behind a convenient bush. Cautiously, she peered through it as the cheering began to die down and people began to move off, her attention focussed on the redhead in the carriage.

She was evil. There was no other word for it. Faith had heard of demons that forced people to sing and dance. Oh God! If anyone found out that she had happily sung about True Love while dancing her reputation was so screwed! How had it happened? She'd just been minding her own business, stalking a succubae through the park, when that demon in a floating blue dress had tripped past, exclaiming something about a ball.

Before Faith had realised what was happening she'd found herself swept up in a trailing procession and whisked off to participate in what she fervently hoped would shortly become a repressed memory. The whirring of a small machine caught her sensitive ear and she looked up to see a CCTV camera tracking along Bethesda Terrace. There was footage?

Suddenly Faith had an entirely different priority. Andrew loved YouTube!


	4. The Second Dimension

**A/N**  
Slight departure from the norm here. Please enjoy and review! ;)

**1**

Giles shivered as he pushed his way deeper into the snowy forest. Some part of him registered that he didn't feel as cold as he should and was concerned but for the main part, he was mostly concerned with merely surviving to place one foot in front of the other.

He really wasn't dressed for this weather. It seemed like only hours ago that he'd been strolling through the summery street of New York and it was with shock that he realised it had been just hours since he'd seen the Prince shoot out of the manhole, followed shortly by a small rodent of some kind.

Waiting until the workmen all had their backs turned and feeling confident in his ability to handle whatever he discovered, he'd quietly slipped down into the manhole to investigate only to fall into a lake and then swiftly up a waterfall. He'd been violently spat from a fountain in the middle of the courtyard of a fairytale castle and landed in a strangely two-dimensional universe. At the feet of an outraged Evil Queen.

There'd been a brief almost comical moment of horror as they'd stared at each other and then she'd screamed for the guards and had him forcibly ejected from the castle. Lying at the bottom of the stairs leading to the enormous locked doors of the castle Giles had looked around the forest surrounding the castle and shrugged to himself. How hard could a cartoon world be, he'd asked himself.

He wasn't sure exactly when it had started to snow. It had been after the hunters had shot a doe standing not more than six feet away from him with her fawn but before the overgrown rose hedge that he'd battled against for miles, cursing himself for forgetting to bring his mobile phone before he left the Council Building. He doubted he'd get reception down here anyway. The night was as black as tar, the only relief the white snowflakes blowing centimetres past his face. Miraculously, his glasses remained untouched. A feeble light in the distance caught his attention and Giles stumbled hurriedly towards it. His outstretched hands touched rough wood and he stumbled through the door and into the light.

An old man whose long white beard came down to his knobbly knees had paused mid-song, in the chair in front of him a small sandy-haired boy had turned around to get a better look. On the bookcase in the corner, a large owl stared beadily at him. The three of them blinked.

"Good Lord!" Giles exclaimed, shutting the door behind him. "Merlin!"

**Disclaimer:**

Oh yeah, I don't own The Sword in the Stone either. That belongs to the estate of the estimable TH White, Buena Vista and Disney. I am none of these people.


	5. What Happened in Vegas

**A/N**  
Many thanks to Cylon One for Betaing at extremely short notice! :D

**5**

"Come on!" Dawn exclaimed, grabbing Jon by the hand and practically dragging him through the foyer and into the last tiny space in a crowded elevator. Smooshed up against him, she could feel her face reddening and carefully avoided looking up at him.

"I still don't see why we had to come here." Jon grumbled as they were jostled by a flood of people exiting the small compartment.

They eased apart as more space became available and moved to the back of the elevator.

"I told you." Dawn reminded him. "I'm meeting my sister in New York and this is the best non-demonic divorce firm there is." Closing her eyes, she shuddered.

Jon reached a hand out to her, concerned as his already pale wife whitened slightly more. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine!" She snapped, her eyes flying open. Catching sight of the way his face shuttered, closing off all emotion, she sighed. "I'm sorry." She apologised. "It's just my sister's gonna go nuclear if she finds out-"

"I get it!" Jon said sharply. Then he too sighed. "I've got people that aren't exactly going to be pleased too. Besides, we agreed. What happens in Vegas..."

"Stays in Vegas!" Dawn agreed as the elevator doors opened on their floor and the pair stepped out.

Quickly reading the directions opposite them, Jon's hand strayed naturally to the small of Dawn's back as he steered her in the right direction. Smiling, at the receptionist, he gently ushered her forwards.

"This is _so_ unprofessional!" The angry black woman's exclamation as she rushed from the reception, with what looked suspiciously like tears glittering in her eyes stopped Dawn dead in her tracks.

Open-mouthed, the slayer's sister took in the scene before her. Two men paused only long enough to deliver a threat to a frustrated young man with dark hair who only had time to take a deep breath before his boss pounced and tore him to shreds. Fortunately not literally, which could happen! Throughout it all a slender red-head with ribbons in her hair sat on the sofa and sobbed as though her heart was breaking.

"On second thought..." She said up at Jon.

"Being married isn't that bad?" He asked, staring aghast at the scene being enacted in front of them.

"Actually, I was gonna say let's try a demonic law firm." Dawn shrugged.

**Disclaimer:**

Stargate SG-1 doesn't belong to me either. Honest. I own nothing.


	6. Red Herring

Illyria stepped into the yellow chariot and commanded the minion who powered it to work. Placing her bag on the seat beside her, she folded her hands in her lap and sighed, looking uninterestedly at the seething mass of scum as she passed by, mourning her lost connection to the song of the green. The primeval ooze that called itself humanity was a poor companion by comparison.

"My love!"

The cry sounded in her ear a moment before the chariot floor rocked wildly and her eyes snapped coldly to the man kneeling in front of her, his hands clasped on the pommel of an unsheathed sword stuck into the floor. Taking note of the close confines of the chariot and the speed at which they were travelling, Illyria cocked her head to one side in a birdlike gesture, intrigued by the richly clad human in front of her. Was he worthy of being her new Guide?

"At last I have found you!" He exclaimed as he sheathed his sword and clasped her hand. Looking up into her eyes, he faltered, frowning. "Giselle?" He asked uncertainly.

No.

The startled cry he made as she threw him from her chariot was amusing, but still not enough to commend him to her service, she mused, settling back into her seat as the chariot whisked smoothly over a bridge. As the chariot passed out of the green and into the paved gray areas of the city, Illyria could almost hear a few notes of the Song of the Green trembling on the air once more. But that was denied her.


	7. Chipmunk Carbonara

**A/N**

Sorry it's taken me so long to update. To be honest, I completely forgot I hadn't finished this fic until my Beta, Cylon One, reminded me. No sooner had I got it back from him then my PC died! Got it working now, just got to get all my data back. :S

**7**

"So did you have a good time in Vegas?" Buffy asked her sister. She set down her knife and fork as Dawn cringed. "What happened?

"Nothing." Dawn insisted in a voice pitched an octave too high. She cleared her throat and tried again, glancing down at her plate of carbonara. "Honest Buffy."

"There's a rodent on the table! Could we get some help here?"

Grateful for the distraction as Buffy glared suspiciously over the table at her, Dawn turned her head to look. Was that the woman from the lawyer's office scooping the animal up to her face? What was she doing here?

"It's chewing off her face!" An old woman at the table near them exclaimed and Buffy stood up to get a better look.

Was that chipmunk _miming_? A broom slapped down on the plate the animal had been standing on and Buffy watched as it leapt onto the woman in blue's head. Buffy took a moment to covet her dress.

"Okay-doky." The waiter said, his awful moustache quivering as he pulled back the broom for another swing.

"Duck!" The woman's date warned, a small girl in his arms.

Buffy leapt forward as the woman ducked, her supernatural sight enabling her to watch the chipmunk fall to the table and then hide under the pizza as the Waiter ransacked the table in search of him. Buffy frowned. Surely that wasn't normal for a chipmunk?

"Where's Pip?" The woman asked, brushing off her date's concern.

"The pizza's breathing." The young girl said in awe as the waiter checked under the table.

"Oh! Pip!" The woman exclaimed happily, stepping forward to pick up the pizza as across the table from her, the waiter snatched it up.

Turning around, he caught sight of the fiery pizza oven and chuckled evilly, holding the plate like a discus before he threw it at the fire. Buffy saw the chipmunk come flying off the plate seconds before the pizza entered the oven. Flames belched out of the oven and Buffy's hand shot up to catch the small rodent that came sailing towards her. As the crowd broke out in spontaneous applause, Buffy made her way back to her sister, one hand in her pocket as she gently held the still animal.

"Let's go." She said, throwing some money on the table.

With a glance at her determined face, Dawn stood. "Can you believe that?" She said as they pushed their way through the restaurant crowd. "What kind of rodent was it?"

"A chipmunk." Buffy told her, pushing open the door to outside. "Don't think this gets you out of telling me what happened in Vegas." She warned as she showed her sister the small animal.

"Oh my God!" Dawn exclaimed, looking guilty as soon as Buffy hushed her. "Is it dead?" She asked, moving closer.

"Just unconscious." Buffy said. She frowned, bringing the animal up for a closer look before she put it back in her pocket. "I think."

"Maybe you should give it to me." Dawn suggested as they began walking up the street. "You don't exactly have the best track record with pets."

**l**

Pip woke up to bars and a blonde human peering at him from behind them. Scratch that, he thought as he looked around. He was the one behind bars. There was a brightly coloured house not too far away. It looked just his size. Quickly, he dived in.

"You don't have to be scared." The woman told him. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Pip poked his nose through the window, sniffing suspiciously. She laughed.

"I'm Buffy," She told him and sighed self-consciously. "And I'm talking to a chipmunk."

"Buffy?" A voice called from the other room.

"Yeah?" Buffy shouted back.

"Xander's on the phone! He wants to know if you've heard from Giles lately."

Buffy sighed. "Duty calls." She said, standing and leaving the room.

Pip bolted for the bars as soon as the door had closed. This flimsy cage wouldn't hold him for long! Quickly, he found the weak spot and grabbed the bar above with both front paws. Pushing against lower bars with his hind legs, Pip tumbled through the cage door as it sprang open. In a flash, he was through the open window, pausing on the ledge outside as he looked for a way down.

"Aha!" He exclaimed, catching sight of a drainpipe.

**l**

Five minutes later, Buffy pushed open her bedroom door. "Where was I?" She said before noticing the open cage.

"Damn!" She exclaimed, yanking her door back open. "Dawn! Have you seen my chipmunk?"

Dawn appeared in her doorway, an amused smile on her lips. "I'm not going to say I told you so." She said. "Because I did you know."

Buffy threw a pillow at her.

Pip panted for breath as he raced towards the restaurant door. Finally, he'd managed to find it again. It was almost too much to hope that Giselle would still be there. He froze as the door opened, the light from the room beyond illuminating him as he crouched on the sidewalk. He looked up at Nathanial's hulking figure with dread. Oh sh-


	8. So Long

**A/N**

Almost there! 10's already done, just 9 to go. Thanks to Cylon One for betaing. He does an awesome job and any delay is my fault, not his.

**8**

Lorne stepped forward, towards the microphone, one eye on the clock as the band struck the opening notes of his big finishing number. The glamour was holding up well so far, but it would disappear at the stroke of midnight, leaving him standing onstage in all his demonic glory if he didn't hurry up. As he opened his mouth to sing, he caught sight of a couple standing in front of the ballroom stairs.

"You're in my arms," he sang, as the man led his partner forwards, away from the stairs. "And all the world is calm."

Slowly the pair headed straight towards him, their eyes locked on each other as the circling couples made way for them and Lorne felt his heartbeat speed up as he watched them begin to dance. They were so wrapped up in each other that he doubted they'd have noticed if a bomb had gone off next to them. They certainly didn't notice the other couple glaring at them as they passed.

This was why he loved humanity. Their sheer capacity for love, hate and all the other emotions in-between never ceased to entertain and amaze him. Each of them was happily convinced that they and they alone were the centre of the universe and yet they could be so selfless.

Lorne frowned as the edges of his vision began to flicker, a tell-tale sign that someone else was singing along. But who? He'd written all of the songs tonight himself instead of using existing ones just so this wouldn't happen. Somehow, he managed to keep singing, his eyes scanning the ballroom in an attempt to discover who it was. And then he heard him.

"So far... we are... so close."

Staggering back from the microphone, Lorne held his aching head as he struggled to process what he'd just seen. Cartoons, apples and... a dragon?

Squinting through the pain, he focussed on the couple currently putting the rest of the dance floor to shame. He might have known it would be them, he thought bitterly. He had just enough time before his glamour wore off. Should he warn them?

Hell no. Not again. He'd learned his lesson in LA. The best thing he could do would be to get as far away as possible and hope someone managed to take care of the dragon before it came after him. Come to think of it, hadn't he seen the firecracker that had restored Angel's soul wearing an... _interesting_ outfit earlier? Perfect, there was already a champion in the room.

Catching sight of the manager glaring at him, Lorne stepped back up to the microphone to finish the song as the other woman, Nancy, cut in on the dancing couple. One more verse and then he could go, he told himself, staring up at the balcony with dread as he sang.


	9. Pest Control

**A/N:**

Sorry it's taken me so long to finish this but this is the last scene I needed to write. I wrote Scenario 10 a long time ago. Expect this fic to be finished in a couple of days. :)

My thanks go out to Cylon One, who very kindly still betaed this chapter for me, even though it's been almost a year since I last called on him.

Enjoy!

**Pest Control**

Opening the front door to go to work, Andrew quickly slammed it again when he caught sight of what was tearing down the hall towards him. Scurrying feet approached as he hyperventilated, back flat against the door... and passed by.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Andrew cautiously opened the door again, peering out just in time to see the last rat disappear around the corner. He so didn't do rodents! Leaving the apartment, he carefully locked the front door behind him. Didn't want a horde of rats getting in.

Really, he reflected as he stood waiting for the elevator, the building was going downhill. First there was that runaway bride last night, cramming him into a corner of the elevator with her soaking wet, _way_ over the top wedding dress while babbling a mad tale to his neighbours about some hag who'd pushed her into a wishing well on her wedding day. Now there was, he shuddered, the rodent problem.

There were cockroaches in the elevator when it arrived.

They were gone by the time he returned from the New York Council building, where he'd waited _all day_ for Giles to show up for work and, laden down with groceries, Andrew was glad. He didn't want any cockroaches getting into dinner after all.

Giles wasn't home. He still hadn't come home by the time Andrew had finished making Beef Wellington for them both. Andrew served Giles a plate anyway, leaving it in the microwave for him to find, and sat down to his solitary meal.

Before he could take a bite, there was a knock at the door. The guy on his doorstep, who looked like he'd taken a wrong turn in the fourteenth century, said that he was searching for his true love. Who, on further questioning, turned out to be some girl from Spain or something called Giselle. By the time Andrew got back to his meal, it was cold.

He took it all as a sign. Either an apocalypse was coming, or he and Giles needed to move.


	10. Hit and Run

**A/N:**

Last of the 10 Ways! Enjoy!

**9**

Buffy stared out of the car windshield in shock as the fire hydrant imbedded in her car sprayed water straight up into the air and back down onto the gold hood. Automatically, she reached out and turned on the wipers. She was sure she'd hit a woman. Dressed in a long floating dress, her red hair held back from her face by ribbons and her arms filled with shopping bags, she'd stepped off the sidewalk as Buffy had nipped round the intersection. Buffy had hit the brakes, turning the steering wheel to avoid her, skidded and hit the woman and then the fire hydrant.

Shaking, Buffy turned off the engine and checked her mirrors. Where was she? The people passing by were giving her a wide berth, to avoid the gushing water, so she had a clear view of the groceries strewn across the sidewalk and street but there was no sign of the woman. Unclipping her seatbelt, Buffy swivelled in her seat to get a better look. Nothing.

Grabbing the umbrella her time in England had taught her to keep in the car, Buffy opened the car door and stepped out, her expensive sandals crunching some sort of sparkly gravel underfoot. Protected by the umbrella, she stepped around the car, bent down and turned the hydrant off. As she crouched, Buffy checked under her car, just in case. Fortunately, the woman wasn't underneath it. Her Manolo Blahnik's scraped against the grit on the sidewalk as she shifted and Buffy frowned, picking up some of the glittering stones before standing. Shiny.

Closing her umbrella, Buffy stared at the busy street in bewilderment. A bus roared past, crushing a lettuce under its wheels. There had been a woman. Buffy glanced at the silver shards she held in her hand. Hadn't there?

She sighed and looked at her watch. She was late! Giles was going to kill her! Or at least be icily polite about it in a stiff upper lip British way. But as she rushed to the driver's door, Buffy heard a soft warbling coo and a warm wetness splattered across her left shoulder.

Buffy cried out in disgust, coming to a complete halt and throwing her arms up as she gingerly looked at her shoulder. The loud clatter of wings behind her sent her spinning around in time to catch a glimpse of feathers before another familiar present landed on her right shoulder.

She retreated to the car. A wise move as birds began to appear as if from thin air. Quickly reversing the car (nearly running over an old woman carrying a large sack of bird seed in the process), Buffy had to switch on her wipers to drive back to her apartment for a shower and a change of clothes.


	11. And One Way She Did

**A/N:**

Because even I'm not _that_ evil...

Enjoy!

**And One Way She Did...**

"Sorry I'm late!" Buffy apologised as she breezed through Giles' apartment door. "You would not _believe_ what happened to me on the way over here. First there was this whole thing where I _might_ have _accidentally_ run someone over..."

Nobody was listening. Buffy stopped, pouting. Okay, Andrew was busy being strangled by Faith but Xander, Willow, Kennedy, Dawn and the stranger she was snuggled up to didn't even bother to turn around from the musical they were watching. They could at least have pretended to care!

Buffy frowned, her attention caught by something on the screen. "Is that you?" she asked Faith, the corners of her mouth twitching as she fought back her laughter.

"I'll kill you!" Faith snarled in Andrew's face.

He was turning purple. Sighing, Buffy pulled her off him. Andrew fell to the ground coughing.

"I think he's got the message," Buffy told Faith.

Faith kicked him in the groin. "Now he has," she said, stalking away.

Noticing her approach, Xander hastily turned the television off.

"Nice try Boytoy," she told him, ejecting the DVD from the DVD player and snapping it in two.

Buffy made a mental note to ask Andrew if he had another copy when he was feeling better. And Faith wasn't around. After all, it wasn't fair that she was the only one who hadn't seen it.

"I swear I've seen that woman before," the strange guy Dawnie was wrapped around said.

"Ooh, ooh, I know!" Dawnie said. "Churchill, Harline & Smith, remember? 'This is _so_ unprofessional!'"

"Yeah, isn't she that girl you were staring at at that ball?" Kennedy asked Willow.

"You mean the ball of which we do not speak?" Willow said, blushing as red as her hair. "Ever!"

"Really?" Xander asked, intrigued. He shut his mouth when Willow unleashed her Resolve Face on him. Ever. Right. Got it.

"I think I hit her with my car," Buffy said, looking shell-shocked. "I-I wasn't sure because when I looked, she wasn't there. Just a lot of this," Shoving her hand in her pocket, she pulled out the silver fragments for them to see.

"Ooh, shiny!" Willow said, brightening. "Me see!"

"I was kinda hoping you and Giles could make with the research," Buffy said, looking around as she handed the stuff over. "Where is Giles anyway?"

"Ahem," Andrew coughed self-importantly from the floor. "If I may," he croaked, using a nearby table to pull himself to her feet. "I have invited you all here today..."

"_You_ invited us?" Kennedy said, looking peeved.

"Here today," Andrew continued. "Because I can no longer keep the sad truth from you," He paused dramatically.

"You're gay," said Xander. "Dude, it's cool. We already knew."

"What?" Andrew squealed. Clearing his throat he tried for a more manly pitch, "I'm not!" and failed.

"What is it then?" Dawn asked.

"Giles is missing," Andrew told them, looking miserable. "I can't believe you guys think I'm gay."

"What?"

"Since when?"

"For how long?"

"Why didn't you tell us?"

The cacophony of noise abruptly cut off as the front door opened again.

"Bloody Andrew never locks the door," Giles complained, ushering an old man with very knobbly knees and a scrubby-looking young boy into the apartment in front of him. "Oh good, everyone's here."

Before he could get to the introductions, he found himself in the centre of a very uncomfortable group hug. Unable to move, his nose immediately began to itch.

"Dear Lord," he said faintly. "A chap disappears for a few days and suddenly everyone's acting as though he had died." Singling Andrew out of the group he asked him, "Why did you tell them?"

"It's been two weeks," Andrew said, shifting uncomfortably. "And they thought I was gay!"

Giles felt a sudden urge to clean his glasses. Perhaps recognising the reflexive twitches, his children let him go. "So long?" he said, sitting down. "It seemed like only a few days..."

"What happened?" Buffy asked.

"Uh," Xander interrupted before Giles could answer. His hand in the air, the one-eyed man stared directly at the two men Giles had brought with him, "Does anyone else find it weird that there's two cartoon characters in Giles' living room?"

"Ah," Giles said, cleaning his glasses. "Meet Merlin and his pupil, Arthur."

No sooner had Merlin and Arthur's presence and the mystery of Giles' disappearance been explained then Merlin spotted the silver shards Willow had left on the coffee table and they were launched into a muddled explanation of the mystery woman that Buffy might or might not have run over.

Willow repaired the DVD with a wave of her hand and they all watched the whole thing from start to finish while Faith stood in the corner, grinding her teeth and glaring daggers at Andrew. There wasn't really much point in watching it again but, to be honest, they didn't need much excuse.

Andrew remembered that he'd shared an elevator with the woman the night before Giles had disappeared and that some guy who'd turned up the next night had mentioned coming from Andalasia, the cartoon kingdom Giles had travelled to and Xander remembered the dragon that had disappeared into silver crystals. Willow, Giles and Merlin put their heads together and very quickly came up with a spell that they were certain would work. A couple of chants and a few stinky herbs later, there was a bright swirl of lights which faded to reveal a very familiar looking woman.

"Oh my!" she said. "Whatever happened?"

"You made me sing!" Faith growled, stalking towards her.

Buffy moved to intercept her as the woman cringed back, "Faith, no!"

"And dance," Dawn reminded the dark slayer, once more curled around the guy Buffy still didn't know.

"Dawn, stop helping!" Buffy snapped at her sister.

"Hey!" the strange guy objected. "Don't talk to my wife like that."

A deathly silence settled over the room as all heads turned towards the pair.

"Wife?" Buffy asked, her voice very quiet and _very_ deadly.

"How wonderful!" the woman exclaimed. "Oh, when two people love truly..."

Whatever she was going to say next was cut off by a right uppercut that sent her crashing to the floor, unconscious.

"Faith!" various people around the room exclaimed.

"She was gonna sing," the dark-haired slayer said defensively.


End file.
